hello.porn speed test — 20 Oct 2026

What these numbers mean

• The first byte took 1.08 s. Everything else waits for that number, so the server is where to start: caching, a slow query, or an overloaded host.
• The page transfers 672.8 KB over 26 request(s). Images files are 94% of it, so resize and recompress the largest images before anything else.
• The HTML itself arrives zstd-compressed.
• It runs over HTTP/3, so the assets share a connection instead of opening one each.
• 94% of the weight comes from other hosts (analytics, fonts, embeds), which also means their slow day becomes your slow day.
• The largest element painted at 1.34 s, inside the 2.5 s Google calls good.
• Layout stayed still (CLS 0.088), so nothing jumps under the reader's cursor.
• The main thread was blocked for 371 ms, so taps and scrolling wait while scripts run.

Fix first: Server response time (TTFB) - Cut server think time: page cache, query indexes, fewer synchronous calls to third parties inside the request. Connection setup is distance, so a nearer region or a CDN edge helps instead.

Read on one shared server, not a visitor's phone: use it to compare pages against each other, not as a promise about every connection. We fix what these tests find.